Handsurfing

This is my first posting, and I thought it should be somewhat uplifting. It was the first entry in my journal that I started once finding out I have End-stage-liver-disease...So I thought it fitting.

"I have always thought of myself to be somewhat manic. Like a child - sometimes I get so excited about something that I cannot breathe.
Yesterday I was driving away from my MSI appointment at UCI Medical. It was a perfect 85 degrees, I had the window down and a great song came on the radio. I caught myself in the mirror -- I was smiling, bobbing my head to the music and yes, HAND-SURFING on the freeway. At that moment my eyes were wide open, mind clear, and I had no pain anywhere. My skin wasn't tinged yellow at all, but tanned brown from our river trip last week....and I was driving home to my son and husband. I couldn't breathe.
--Yet Wednesday I was told that it is in fact ESLD, and I have a 60% chance of not making it past 2 years, 100% after 5 years -- unless I get the new liver that I need. I'm scared, but happy for this moment...This is my inspiration, I have to make it, there is to much beauty out there for me to miss!"

I am 28 years old and I have been sick for so long now....but I don't know anyone as blessed as I am for being able to appreciate how precious and fragile life is...and I would never have been able to appreciate it as much as I am starting to. So there is hope, and I am going to make it. So lets get ready to fight!!