Monday, August 26, 2013

Hold yer horses

My doctor emailed me this morning. Unfortunately, they are no longer accepting new patients for the Arizona clinical trial. :( Some other interferon-free trials should be coming out soon, and he seems pretty confident that it will be out before I get too sick. At the end of his email, he told me not to let this preoccupy me. "To live life fully, until treatment is possible." But oh, I already had it all planned out in my head. I would have been done with treatment just before Christmas, and I was really going to celebrate the gift of being healthy. I was going to be like Oprah (with my baked goods.) "You get a box of cookies, you get a box of cookies, you get a box of cookies!" Cherry-nut cookies, pecan puffs, sugar cookies, fudge, barks, and breads... Oh ya, it was going to be awesome. It's still going to be awesome of course, but only a select few get my boxes of cookies. Hehe. I was imagining what it would be like to be 100% healthy. Being here to watch River graduate from high school... get married. Right after treatment, we were going to start the process of adopting a child (or two or three) again. I'd be able to work and help save for a house, or at least pay off all my medical bills. Yup, I had it all planned out, even though I said I wouldn't get my hopes up. I just feel like everything is in limbo right now. It could be worse though. So I'm going to try and put it out of my head, along with my "bridging" fibrosis. Enjoy life, instead of just waiting for treatment. It will happen when it is supposed to. I will not allow this stupid disease to have a place in my mind... And hopefully my body too, soon.

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