USC got the ball rollin'!

Yeah USC. It sounds weird but a huge weight was lifted off of my chest when I got the call today that USC had accepted my insurance. UCLA would not even start my work-up because of my insurance....too expensive, they said, and I was a little worried (OK, A LOT) that it was only going to be the beginning of a trend.
But I got the call today from my doctor that all is a GO! and it looks like USC (at least for now)! I have never been so excited to get a doctors appointment, hehe.
That brings me to what has been nagging at me since I found out I would need a transplant... I don't wanna another liver! :( Not only because I'm a little scared (just a tad), and I know I will be on meds for the rest of my life, or even because I vowed to never spend another night -- let alone MORE weeks in a hospital again...but how am I going to take someone elses liver? If I do take one from someone who just died, how am I going to be happy knowing someone else had to die, though I know it is not my fault that the person didn't make it; furthermore, what if when it is my turn to receive a liver the person behind me dies waiting, or the person behind that person. Me being sicker at that specific time could be the death (actual death) of someone else. And if I take a partial from a living donor, what if something happens to my loved one, nope, couldn't live with myself... Even if it was just painful for them...I don't want someone to risk it. Or what if I am one that didn't get one in time...Scared to get one, and scared not to, but I imagine everyone must feel like this from time to time when they find out. I know, a little dramatic too, but It is a big responsibility, accepting this gift (if I get one). I guess the only way I won't feel so bad is if I can pay it forward, get the word out on this shortage. Make saving me, help to save others. Wow, I guess I really did need to get that out. So many new thoughts and emotions, but they aren't all bad, not all bad at all. :)