Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Well, since I had made the comment that I don't mind what I look like, I guess I will post why I haven't done much lately....and a picture just for visual effect -- no, that's not Octo-mom, lol (I know, don't flatter myself) But I imagine that this is what Botox looks like -- in the nose and under eyes, if for some reason you were thinking about getting some there.
I had also not been taking my Lactulose for a few days - I picked up the prescription Monday. (errr... maybe I've been out since lil before Christmas) and have really been noticing the effects on that these last few days... and so has River. At 3 years old, I can already see him looking at me like a crazy mom from the 50's that can't figure out how to turn on his electronic toys.... It's very frustrating for ALL of us, and I have been forced to watch kid cartoons for days now on the big T.V.
I feel like I am bringing my health issues up way to much... but it really is hard when I look in the mirror and see this "new" me, or when I reach for something and Larry drop kicks me in the side, or I walk straight into the door, or forget how to open them (for that matter) NOT to be reminded of this crappy situation! However, I also know... Wow, it could be so much worse. I am even glad in a way, that I notice my ammonia levels have risen right now... because that means, I'm not so far gone that I don't realize I'm looney.... Or, God help the people out there who don't even know why they are experiencing this. My rising ammonia levels have caused such confusion in me, it has caused low self-esteem in a job that used to be so easy to grasp for me, cooking, crafts.... things I used to enjoy are foreign to me now. I also notice that I experience something similar to Roid-rage now... well for me, it feels like rage... it may look more like one of the chipmunks throwing a fit.
But... the holidays are over, the meds are REALLY kickin' back in and I have a lot to prepare for so I have got to snap out of it... Who's coming to pick me up?? :)

1 comment:

Craig said...

Aaaaww Ricki, ain't it just the pits!!! Shit happens and mirrors are mirrors! Don't look in them!

You just have to get on with life, your beauty comes from within - the hell with what others may think! Fuck them!!!

Hold your head high, push out the shitty thoughts and get back to looking after yourself.

Oh, and stop all this crap about bringing up health issues!!! Fer chrissake, you have to live with all this crap 27x7, there is no escape. If you need to get it off your chest - just do it. Your friends will understand. Anyone who doesn't needs to be pitied!


ps, brighten up the blog site a bit, all the dark colors are depressing and difficult to read......bitch....bitch....bitch.....:-)