Thursday, March 4, 2010

You're no spring chicken!

Last night, my sister and I sat and watched an episode of the Golden Girls where Dorothy had a mysterious sickness, but when she went into the doctors they all kept telling her that it was in her head. Just to face it, "She was not 30 years old anymore" This made me very curious to think... What does a normal 30 year old feel like? I think it was around the age of 20 that I started telling myself the same thing... Well, I'm no spring chicken anymore! I just need to face that I'm getting older...  I remember high school, waking up around 5:30, walking to school for my 0 period at 7:00am... after classes came either cheerleading or track. After that, straight to Hot Dog on A Stick for work til closing, home for homework, bed and then back up to do it again. By my senior year in high school I had 2 jobs, just because... and still had time to meet Jason. (Of course, having 2 jobs was my only way of being out of the house past my 8:00pm curfew. hehe)  But I digress. Even after high school I remember getting up early to drive to the beach in Carmel before work to take pictures... I took classes in Monterey after work, and then slowly classes were replaced with naps and by the time I was 23 I remember leaving my work for lunch to go eat a sandwich and sleep at the cemetery around the corner... Luckily after that, it seemed like there was a cemetery within a block or two from every job I had.

I was 25 when River was born, and doctors blamed everything on that - What do you expect, your body went through a lot of trauma, you nearly died, and you had a baby! ...of course your tired. The puking -- must be stress. Oh, and to think, all this time I could have been in bathing suits, hehe! It's just extra weight from the baby, you'll lose it - just work out harder.  Ahh, Ricki, Ricki, deer-eyed and dumb-founded, I followed... probably with a stupid smile on my face. hehe. jk. Anyways, I just thought I would share. If you take anything with you from this, let it be to know your body. Like they said on the Golden Girls, some doctors will blame the patient's mental health or what they think the "natural" aging (or a recovery) process is, if they can't diagnose you. They can make you feel guilty or crazy instead of just saying "I don't know" and refer you to someone who might.
Dorothy did end up finding out what her mystery sickness was (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and Ma got her pussycat back... I love that show. As for me... still here, trying to stay afloat and upright for that matter. I have decided to cauterize my nose finally. Not because of the inconvenience or embarrassment, not because I am scared that I won't be able to stop it, not even because of the sharp-as-glass blood clots I have to grossly dig out of my nose every morning - very discreetly, because I know River would mock me) Nope, it's the smell that is making me nauseous -- and that is all I am going to say about that.

Also, in keeping with the "Golden Girls" theme... I received my Medic Alert bracelet this week! Whoo hoo. There is actually a bit of freedom that came with receiving that - Both my cats have their security chips, and now... if someone finds me, I'll be reunited with my family too... Good things! On a side note, another "get out of jail free card" if I WAS a drinker... My medic alert bracelet actually says -- May appear intoxicated. Darn, could you imagine that... "No, no, ocifffferr... I haven't been drinking -- seeeeeeee my lil' bracelet thingy right here." (over exaggeratedly pointing at the wrong wrist and stumbling backwards) Man, one more thing wasted on me! hehehe... Oh, and the bracelet is green! And speaking of green, not so "Golden Girlish" I am reaaaaaally, really wanting to get a new tattoo to signify this journey, just a little one with a big punch - a green ribbon perhaps. :) and on an even more personal note, I did make a phone call yesterday as well (besides doctors and my mom - there really are no outgoing calls, I'm just to tired) Who did I call? I did it, I called my father, and I am proud of myself, even if it was for not, because I sang the "Happy Birthday" song and told him River's age now (har har, I JOKE -- I left it at Happy Birthday!) but I made the call. I don't know if I am doing the right thing by letting that relationship go... but again, I am just to tired, and I feel like -- well, I would rather use my bits of energy on those who want to be with me, people that make my days brighter... and people with English accents :)
 ...We only pass this way one time....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yes, that was a good episode and it reminds me of how we have to be the Doc now and they get paid for our diagnose :o\ But at least we know now and you are on your way, but the detail sometimes that you give WOWS ME it may not be the proper way to say but U know what I mean...YUCK! I love you xo:o)